When a Rose is not a Rose

A wilting rose, wrinkling skin, graying hair, growing kid, all of these remind us of one fact of life, and that fact is: Impermanence. Has this fact of life ever troubled you? Disturbed you deeply? Then you are lucky, because in you, a Buddha could be born. All of us are aware of the story how Siddhartha became the Buddha because he was deeply perturbed by the scenes of a sick person, an old man and a dead body being carried to the burial ground. It prompted him to question the nature of life and led him finally to nirvana.

Let us enquire, is suffering truly in the fact that our skin is less charming or in the fact that we are not as much in control of our business or household as we were 20 or 30 years ago? No. Our suffering is in the non-acceptance of change.

Why do we resist change? It is because we are afraid of losing the beautiful experiences of life. Love, pleasure, significance, happiness, comfort and other beauties of life that we cherish, we do not want the ruthless wave of life to wash them away. We do not know what the 'new' might hold for us. Fear of uncertainty drives us to resist change. On the contrary if permanence were the nature of life, then what if pain, displeasure, anger, disappointment, fear, frustration and the whole host of unpleasant experiences continue ad infinitum? That would be, being stuck in a hellhole.

Seated beneath the Pipal tree 2,500 years ago, Buddha taught the Pratitya Samutpada Sutra which said, "True happiness is this is not, then that is not" True happiness is sourced in wisdom that everything changes. Change happens as the factors that go to constitute something change. Your skin changes when there are biological changes. That we know. What causes a relationship to change? The emotion you feel towards a person is dependent on the perceptions you hold at that point of time.

As life throws up more and more experiences, your perceptions keep changing. Love, affection, friendship do continue through life but they, too take on the changes life brings on them and evolve with time. That is why it started. It changes with passing years. If necessary awareness is brought to it, it has the potential to give you more joy and togetherness. In unawareness the relationship could degenerate into pain and displeasure.

As we observe the truth of what the Buddha spoke, we come to clarity, to peace with ourselves. Who have we to blame? What can really be held responsible for our unhappiness? Some deep seated anguish, disappointments and yearnings lose charge over us as this wisdom dawns. All of us have a control freak hidden in us shrieking for absolute power over everything; all of us have a perfectionist hankering for the creme de la creme in every situation; all of us have a lover in us looking out for ideal responses from loved ones. How do you think our thirst could ever be quenched? It can only be appeased. Hence, the Buddha spoke of freedom as the appeasement of all obsessions. Our obsessions can be appeased when we see what life is at this moment; it is not the next moment. A rose is not a rose if it stays forever.